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( 4UMF NEWS ) Problems With Parenting Today: The number one problem in parenting today is that parents have their priorities all mixed up. They simply fail to realize that parents need to be parents first and friends last. Even if it makes your child hate you momentarily they will appreciate it you for it in the end. The bottom line is you can’t be both while trying to establish yourself as the authority figure in the home. There is a rank or pecking order to this if you wish to have a successful home. This order I refer to is man, woman and child in that order. If you remove the male from his rightful place then you upset the natural order and balance of this thing we call family. The father must be at the head of the house especially if it is to be a true Christian household. The mother must be respected, protected and maintained. The child can never be allowed to manipulate the position held by either. We can’t have success if the child is able to convince one parent to override the decision of the other. This is what I mean when I say parents are allowing children to manipulate them into believing a friendship has to be established. I’m not the friend of my child, I’m his parent. If we can get along then great but if he despises me so be it. That feeling he or she has as a child is short lived at best. As the child matures they will understand that tough love has its place. We as parents have a moral obligation to invest in the happiness of our child but the welfare of the child is paramount to that child’s growth and development. In other words if I have a child who tells me eating a dozen of donuts a day is the only thing that is going to make him happy then he will simply be one unhappy child. If my daughter tells me that the only thing that will make her happy is having a boyfriend and I know he will only serve as a distraction while she is in high school then she may just have to be one unhappy teenager. If I make less than 50k a year and my child tells me designer sneakers that cost $200 are the only sneakers that will make them happy they may have to again be an unhappy child. What I strangely find is that most single mothers have a tendency to feel guilty about this while most men don’t. I as a single father have no issues with taking a stern position on what is going to be and what is not going to be. While this sounds like a no non sense dictatorship they must remember that I never claimed it to be a democracy. It’s parenting and there really is no margin for error. Those who don’t parent and have the liberty to judge and criticize don’t have the obligation to fix things when they go wrong. The person who says “you’re being too hard on those children” isn’t the person under obligation to answer when the child turns out to be a less than productive citizen of this great society. These children today have all but taken over where parenting is concerned. We no longer have any structure or guidelines in most American homes. Roles are no longer clearly defined and if often leads to the chaos our children live through on a daily basis. You find parents negotiating with children and this is mistake number one. If you as a parent see the importance of teaching moral standards to your children and giving them useful instruction needed to navigate through this dangerous world then you have to hold them to those standards. Once you allow them to revisit or manipulate the situation you open the door to years of grief to come. Never allow a child to engage you as though you two are peers. My child is not my equal. I take care of them they don’t take care of me. When you place your child on equal footing with you then everything becomes a discussion, debate and argument. We must go back to a time when the only answer a child heard to any question of why they can’t do something was “Because I said so” period end of discussion. Going into hours of endless explanations they care not to understand will only serve to frustrate matters more. You as the parent are here to lead and they as the child are here to follow. I once attempted to offer my opinion to my father and he very succinctly explained to me that I didn’t have an opinion and that he would be willing to entertain any opinion I might have when I start paying some bills around here. As previously stated if he would have went into further explanation I wouldn’t have cared to understand anyway. Now at the age of 44 with five children of my own I see his point very well. The man gave me life and what he owes me beyond that is food, clothing and shelter. Anything beyond that is extra and if he chose to give it then great but if he didn’t he surely isn’t in violation of any rules of parenting. We are too eager to allow children to engage us in hours of dialogue about why they can’t do something we know in advance isn’t good for them. They will have ample time to reflect over the decisions we made for them if they live long enough. I see my father in a very different light now. At the time I absolutely thought he was tyrant the ruled with an iron hand. Time has now changed all of that as his parental wisdom is clearly apparent. As I always end off, I could be wrong but this is just my take on this.

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